TICKETS to see Bob Dylan have been dynamically priced in correlation with his life expectancy. These musicians also use the spectre of their imminent loss to jack up the price:
Bob Dylan
Nobody knows what Bob Dylan is singing, including Bob Dylan. This has always been the way, and his rabid fans are more than happy to pay to hear him belt out his greatest hits in a voice like a wheelie bin dragged across gravel. So long as he sticks to the hits and not those god-awful Christmas songs.
The Rolling Stones
Despite their rock and roll lifestyle, Mick Jagger, Keith Richards and Ronnie Wood have somehow reached the age where their biggest upcoming event should be an NHS hearing test. Yet they continue to fill stadiums because there is apparently no amount of money that makes the band think ‘actually, we’ve got enough now.’
Neil Young
Neil Young has spent his career making heartfelt music full of authenticity and integrity, all while continuing to charge you £90 for a seat behind a pillar. Still, you should appreciate his commitment to playing live. If he didn’t you’d have to spend your evening listening to him on Spotify unless he’s taken his music off there again.
Bruce Springsteen
The Boss is still doing three-hour shows at an age when most people consider staying awake until the ten o’clock news an achievement. Anxious fans insist every tour could be his last, which is why they’re prepared to remortgage the house to watch him perform Born To Run from a seated position.
Paul McCartney
The best Beatle you can still see live and the closest anyone under 70 will ever get to seeing the Fab Four. You may be paying hundreds of pounds to watch an 84-year-old sing songs written before your parents were born, but you don’t mind because hearing him perform Hey Jude feels historically important. Plus you can sing along. And he seems nice.
Eric Clapton
Still touring, despite having been around long enough to remember when musicians had to be talented before becoming controversial. Fans attend partly to see if he’ll launch into an acoustic version of Layla or another bigoted tirade. Real ones know he saves the latter for the second encore, once all the squares have gone home.
Rod Stewart
Behold, the horror of a man born in 1945 sashaying with blondes who most certainly do not think he’s sexy. He’s cancelled a few dates for routine surgery but won’t let something as trivial as being 81 stop him behaving like a man who has just discovered women. Maybe these gold-digging hussies are just after his train sets?
