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Murdoch tweets minutiae of world domination

RUPERT Murdoch is to use Twitter to share his everyday, random thoughts about controlling everything in the world.

The forgetful tycoon and telecommunications enthusiast has already tweeted which kind of water filter he favours in his shark pool and tips on how to stop a Persian cat from jumping onto the keyboard of a doomsday machine.

In just 48 hours he has managed to attract nearly 80,000 followers whom he has personally vetted for their loyalty to News Corporation before issuing them with a white jumpsuit with the distinctive ‘RM’ logo.

Twitterologist Wayne Hayes said: “It’s a fascinating insight into everyday life inside a volcano-shaped submarine.

“Twitter is dismissed as trivial balls, because it is, but Rupert Murdoch’s account will eventually become a fascinating social document. Can I have my money now?”

Murdoch was still struggling with the new media yesterday and sent several tweets barking orders about the latest batch of lives he wants ruined and complaining about the lack of hefty bosoms in his timeline.

Early messages have included, ‘#Leveson still giving me shit. Anyone know where I can hire massive Chinaman with #deadlybowlerhat?’  and ‘Xmas #DowntonAbbey was gr8 but needed more neo-Conservative Australians in it. RT or I will destroy you. LOL’.

Hayes said: “The addition of Murdoch to Twitter is the most important development in social media since Robert Mugabe joined MySpace by saying his mood was ‘genocidey’.”