THE UK’s leading financial expert Martin Lewis has recommended spending cash on escorts and good times because life is ultimately a finite resource.
The money saving expert has warned Britons that ISAs and pensions are all well and good but you could be run over by a bus tomorrow and will wish you had not left all your funds mouldering in accounts offering a 4.75 per cent rate of interest then.
Lewis said: “Put aside for bills. Prepare for contingencies. But life is short and it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven so f**k it, go nuts.
“Once you’ve kept cash back for food and rent, plough your spare pennies into lap dancers with names like Crystal and Simphonie. Ultimately, when everything you ever earned is going into exorbitant care home fees, you’ll be glad you did.
“Struggling to scrape together their hourly rate? No worries. Just follow all the tips I’ve dished out over the years, like changing utility providers and switching credit cards. You’ll have enough cash to hand over to a brothel madam in no time.
“As for women, see some knobs by hiring a strippogram or going to a life drawing class. Whatever it is you do. This is one area where I’m no expert.”
Tom Booker from Peterborough said: “Yet another canny Martin Lewis hack. I’d been throwing my money down the drain every month by saving for a deposit like an idiot.”
