THE Covid inquiry is set to publish more findings about how the pandemic was handled. Here are the five adult videos that tell the real story of how the country reacted.
Standard big tit stuff
The start of the pandemic was a time of fear and uncertainty. It was also a time when you fired up Pornhub out of loneliness and searched for buxom adult entertainers like Angela White or Gianna Michaels. At the time this wasn’t concerning. You reasoned that it was a horny fight or flight response, not the beginning of a sad, months-long wanking odyssey.
A risque dip into threesomes
As the weeks wore on you grew tired of watching huge naturals spilling out of bikinis. You craved the next level. When you weren’t thinking of reasonable excuses to pop out for some booze, you were exploring the thrilling world of online threesome videos. Only the predictable two women and a guy stuff though, you weren’t feeling adventurous enough to watch the other configuration.
Odd POV step-sibling videos
The history books will remember 2020 for Captain Tom’s garden walk and people clapping for the NHS. The untold story – that by June you were furiously cranking it over sexy ladies pretending to be your stepsister – will be airbrushed from the records. Why this statistically-unlikely genre is so popular is unknown, and the bigger mystery is why you watched it every day for hours on end.
Full-blown freaky, kinky clips
As the death toll climbed, your sexual appetite grew accordingly. By September nothing but the most debauched gangbanging cumpilaton tentacle porn got a rise out of your jaded libido. Forget key workers like teachers and nurses on the frontline, the real heroes of the pandemic were gooners like yourself who managed to juggle their crippling smut addiction with working from home.
Anything with a glimmer of wholesomeness
Everyone emerged from the pandemic transformed. Some became radicalised anti-vaxxers, others gained a new appreciation for the simpler things in life. Meanwhile you came out of it knowing that Pornhub contains no tender videos of loving couples engaging in heartfelt coitus. And you should know because you searched for it. You searched for it f**king hard. Five years later though you’ve returned to normal and are happily back on the weird shit.
