THE Bayeux Tapestry records the birth of Britain as a nation when we heroically lose a fight to the French. What should be on a new one?
Mary Fisher, cleaner: “Strictly series 5, when Alisha Dixon won. No, series 18 when Bill Bailey won. No actually series 22 when Chris McCausland won. OH GOD I DON’T KNOW!”
Martin Bishop, lawncare consultant: “Daley Thompson retaining his decathlon gold at the Los Angeles Olympics. The ten events lend themselves naturally to a sequential telling. Steve Ovett versus Seb Coe in Moscow would be a f**king mess.”
Denys Finch Hatton, professor of applied history: “Isn’t EastEnders our modern equivalent of the Bayeux Tapestry, unspooling behind us through the years? Except you’d never pay £36.50 to see it obviously.”
Donna Sheridan, health inspector: “If we want it to be as close to the original experience as possible, I’d say Live Aid.”
Nikki Hollis, hairdresser: “Honestly, all credit to the past, but I feel I’ve moved past the employment of embroidery as a narrative medium.”
Wayne Hayes, market trader: “Either Brexit or Raoul Moat.”
