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We ask you: What British event should we make a new Bayeux tapestry of?

THE Bayeux Tapestry records the birth of Britain as a nation when we heroically lose a fight to the French. What should be on a new one? 

Mary Fisher, cleaner: “Strictly series 5, when Alisha Dixon won. No, series 18 when Bill Bailey won. No actually series 22 when Chris McCausland won. OH GOD I DON’T KNOW!”

Martin Bishop, lawncare consultant: “Daley Thompson retaining his decathlon gold at the Los Angeles Olympics. The ten events lend themselves naturally to a sequential telling. Steve Ovett versus Seb Coe in Moscow would be a f**king mess.”

Denys Finch Hatton, professor of applied history: “Isn’t EastEnders our modern equivalent of the Bayeux Tapestry, unspooling behind us through the years? Except you’d never pay £36.50 to see it obviously.”

Donna Sheridan, health inspector: “If we want it to be as close to the original experience as possible, I’d say Live Aid.”

Nikki Hollis, hairdresser: “Honestly, all credit to the past, but I feel I’ve moved past the employment of embroidery as a narrative medium.”

Wayne Hayes, market trader: “Either Brexit or Raoul Moat.”

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Feminist icon Gloria Steinem was pretty fit

TRIBUTES to feminist campaigner Gloria Steinem have highlighted that she was quite the looker back in the day.

Articles about the life of the pioneering second-wave feminist and Ms. magazine co-founder have served as timely a reminder that, just as importantly, she was easy on the eye.

Martin Bishop from Stroud said: “It’s a sad day for women, they’ve lost a key figure I’ve only just heard about. Also: would.

“It says here she did loads of impressive things like co-founding the National Women’s Political Caucus and the Women’s Action Alliance. I wonder what her skincare routine was though, because damn she’s cute.

“Maybe her good looks were key to her success? Men were never going to kowtow to some frumpy battleaxe. But look at those sultry eyes and lustrous locks. I’d let her be the first woman to speak at the National Press Club any day. Phwoar.

“No wonder she managed to infiltrate the Playboy Mansion as a Bunny Girl with a figure like that, the saucy minx. I’ll have to dig it out and give it a read. For entirely feminist purposes, of course.”

Feminist Nikki Hollis said: “It’s chauvinist attitudes like Martin’s that Steinem railed against. Which makes it all the more annoying that he’s not wrong.”

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