A MAN has stressed that he is a modest chap with simple porn tastes. 

30-year-old Jack Browne is proud of the fact that he eschews modern fads such as hentai and piss play in favour of traditional hardcore pornography featuring threesomes, large breasts and blowjobs.

Browne said: “Call me an old-fashioned country mouse, but I’ve no time for these newfangled trends. No niche searches, no hole-in-the-wall or BDSM for me. 

“I just like honest-to-goodness highly unrealistic sexual encounters I can have a good wank over, like my father and his father before him. I assume. I’ve never asked.

“At the end of a hard day, give me some girl-on-girl, a few cheerleaders, a bit of ejaculating on a lady’s face – I’m no pervert. I’m always satisfied with wholesome family fare. Well, not family members. Unless it’s a hot stepsister scenario, which I also enjoy.

“You can keep your weirdo stuff, I’ll carry on wanking to the classics, thanks. I’m basically a monk like that. A housewife who’s ordered a pizza and can’t pay? You can’t go wrong with that.

“If you’ll excuse me, I’m off to bed with a mug of cocoa and a classic movie. Featuring Angela White.”