BRITAIN has texted the EU at 3am to see if it is still awake for some casual, no-strings-attached fun, it has emerged.
Having tried its luck on the international market only to find that everyone is insane or incompatible, the UK is acting like randomly texting its ex without warning to see if it is down for a hook-up is no big deal.
The UK said: “Hey stranger. How’s it going? I saw the Schengen Area looking really hot on the news so I thought I’d say hi. Can’t blame a guy for shooting his shot haha.
“Yeah, been rolling with my subcontinental Asian crew, but missed your vibe. All that taking back control stuff? I’m over that, and tbh the fishing quotas I was so hot for have been underwhelming. It’s okay though. I forgive you for letting me walk out.
“Sure, I’ve signed some pretty steamy trade deals with New Zealand and India since we split, but I kept thinking of you. Our federation. Remember how crazy I used to get about banning bendy bananas? You can’t fake that chemistry.
“I’m free this weekend, babygirl. Why don’t I come over to Brussels, we can go out for dinner and see what happens? I’ll even try that Euro thing you’ve always wanted me to do.”
The EU said: “Why is there a nude selfie of a man in glasses? What? That’s the UK? F**k they’ve let themselves go.”
