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Why predictions Brexit would damage the UK's economy were wrong even though they've happened

By Norman Steele, ordinary decent Briton and Brexiter, not that it’s relevant

BLAMING Brexit? How backward. We all know the predicted economic damage of Brexit was a lie, even though that has happened but by coincidence. 

So for Burnham to stand up in Parliament and say Brexit is the cause of any of Britain’s woes is not only a slap in the face for brave referendum voters but a wicked falsehood.

Yes, our economy is significantly worse today than it was a decade ago. Yes, Remainers said it would be. But correlation is not causation and the two phenomena are not related in any way.

Ignore those businessmen saying trade with the EU has dwindled to nothing. Why are they so prejudiced they’d rather sell to Europeans anyway, instead of their fellow Brits?

And disregard those carpers who complain the lack of foreign labour means building home extensions is now impossible. They’re just jealous of homegrown builders who now live like kings, free to dump two pallets of bricks in your drive then go on a month’s holiday.

Yes, we have £29bn less in investment than expected. Of course the pound fell in 2016 and has remained weak. Obviously we’re missing out on all the EU’s cheap import deals. And it goes without saying that our growth is utter shit.

But just because the economy has shrunk exactly in line with expert predictions, now being between six and eight per cent smaller and all of us consequently poorer, doesn’t mean they were right.

They were lucky guesses, that’s all. And we can wipe the smiles of their smug faces by voting for the man who promised us Brexit would be brilliant and now never mentions it and has new promises. That’ll show the pricks.

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Salem the cat from Sabrina the Teenage Witch, and other dodgy 90s crushes

THE sardonic, frequently costumed cat from Sabrina the Teenage Witch is still your unattainable ideal even today. Along with these niche crushes: 

Tiffani Thiessen

It was between her, Winnie in The Wonder Years and Topanga from Boy Meets World for anyone unlucky enough not to be getting any and lucky enough to have satellite telly. For viewers of Saved by the Bell, it was either Tiffani or brainbox Jessie Spano, played by Elizabeth Berkley. Those who chose of the latter won in the nude movie stakes.

Salem the cat

It shouldn’t have, but a clever cat who once – in human form – attempted world domination definitely did it for your teen self. Even if you didn’t get half the jokes or understand who Davy Jones from The Monkees was or why he was guest starring in a 90s show aimed at children.

The Goblin King

Nobody wants to admit it’s how they discovered David Bowie, but for most 90s kids it was on this VHS. The discovery of his previous career, and the absence of tights and a codpiece for the bulk of it, was an unwelcome one. Finding out your dad loved his work and was positively eager to discuss it was the real passion-killer.

Wednesday Addams

You wanted to have Christina Ricci’s deadpan delivery and one-liners or you wanted her to love you, either would be fine. Leading to lives of disappointment for besotted pre-teen boys drawn to girls who didn’t care if they lived or died only to discover they meant it.

Rupert Giles

While Sarah Michelle Gellar was there for the boys, gamely dressed like she was on the game every schoolday, the girls were forced to choose between brunette bad-boy vampire Angel or peroxide blonde bad-boy vampire Spike. But why, when fusty and sexually repressed in a good way librarian Rupert Giles was right there?

Psylocke

The X-Men’s resident telepath, except the soul of a hot British women was somehow transposed into the body of a Japanese ninja. And she was conflicted about it as the X-Men always were while posing around in skintight leather throwing psychic knives. Even now, you’re hopelessly hard for any woman with an unbelievably complicated backstory.

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