BEYONCE is more than 14 billion years old and survived the heat-death and collapse of a previous universe, it has emerged.
After spectroscopic tests on the star revealed elements not known in this universe, Beyonce revealed that she pre-dates all of existence.
She continued: “Unchanged and ageless, I watched the Big Bang and knew, even as time was created, that it would one day lead to an audience for my ballads, liberation anthems and freaky sex jams.
“One day all of this – the earth, the stars, the universe itself – will be nothing, but I will continue. Because I am a survivor.
“Magazines that say my marriage to Jay-Z will not last. But from this perspective, what does?”