ALL of human existence is the dream of a Leicester City fan and will expire the moment he wakes up.
Foxes fan Nathan Muir fell asleep several hours ago after finishing a bottle of wine and began enjoying a nocturnal, Roy Of The Rovers-type fantasy that his inexpensively assembled team mounted an astonishing challenge for the League title.
A sombre President Barack Obama said: “This is the greatest challenge humanity has ever faced. We may be only hours away from complete extinction.
“For too long we have failed to acknowledge that a world in which Jamie Vardy was top scorer in the Premier League could not possibly be real in any way.
“We must work together to find some way of keeping Nathan Muir asleep so as to prolong our own existence. We must avoid any sudden noises which might wake him up.”
Obama added: “We must also be alert to warning signs, such as our world currently being transformed into a caravan site run by talking otters, or an erotic scenario involving the girl who works at the newsagents.”