Golfer somehow not an arsehole


    A MAN who plays golf regularly is strangely not an arsehole, it has been confirmed.

    40-year-old Martin Bishop is a full member of his local golf club and plays most weekends. Despite this he is widely considered to be a nice man who does not secretly hate his wife or drive a Jaguar with a customised hood ornament.

    Bishop said: “I just like the fresh air really, and sometimes I have a couple of drinks in the members’ bar and a bit of a chat.

    “Some of the guys drink a lot of whisky in the afternoon then launch into angry monologues about various social groups, but I’m not so keen on that.

    “I suppose for me golf is more of a ball-based hobby than a futile attempt to escape some deeply damaged part of my psyche.”

    However some club members have express concern that Bishop’s not being an arsehole may somehow spoil things.

    Fellow golfer Roy Hobbs said: “Golf was invented by arseholes, for arseholes, and if you’re not an arsehole I don’t see how you can really ‘get’ it.

    “It’s not a game, it’s about schmoozing local councillors so that you can build a housing estate on a local toad colony or some other weird business thing. Then drink-drinking home because it’s 4.24pm and you know from memory that that’s when the coppers change shifts.”