YOUNG Conservatives are planning to mark the death of Nelson Mandela with something vile.
As the former South African president lies in a critical condition, youthful right-wingers are devising a series of events that would be unthinkable to any normal person.
Student Nikki Hollis said: “I’m organising a ‘Hang Nelson Mandela’ party where we’ll all black up and wear nooses around our necks. There’s no way that could be misconstrued.
“Then we’ll all sing ‘Ding dong, the terrorist is dead!’ while someone records it on their camera phone, causing us to appear in the Daily Mail and get booted out of our obscure agricultural college.”
Young Tory Julian Cook said: “When Mandela dies I’ll probably buy a load of champagne and drink it ostentatiously outside the South African embassy with my ideologically sound companions.
“We’ll all be wearing ‘Fuck the ANC’ t-shirts, which will be doubly offensive thanks to us being a bunch of white, 20 year-old politics students who want to get rich by any means necessary.
“I’ll probably propose a toast to ‘Nelson Man-dead-la’, unless I can think of something more unpleasant, like ‘Here’s to fatal lung infections!’
“That’s unless someone’s kicked my head in.”