BERLIN will return thousands of hipsters when Britain leaves the EU, it has emerged.
GLASTONBURY’S new festival the Variety Bazaar will feature large vegetables, a pig race with obstacles and Lady Gaga running a lucky dip.
SOUTHERN Rail has ominously announced that its dreaded ‘full service’ is set to resume.
BARACK Obama is president of the world’s most powerful country, it has been confirmed.
BRITONS are being flown home from a Gambia teetering on the edge of war to Britain, which is marginally more stable for the time being.
A MAN in a cafe has decided to share the sound of the internet videos he is watching, because he thinks everyone will probably like that.
INTERNATIONAL investors have demanded that when Britain becomes a tax haven it must slim down to just London.
NOBODY has starved to death so far despite a desperate lack of courgettes reaching British shores.