News

Britons impressed by big percentages

STATISTICALLY illiterate Britons are being shocked and surprised by percentages that only relate to a tiny number of actual things.

Fifty Shades of Grey film was on Channel 5 in the 90s

THE film version of Fifty Shades of Grey was shown by Channel 5 back in 1998, it has emerged.

Elderly to get daily ghost pranks

ELDERLY people are to get vital heart exercise from people jumping out of their cupboards dressed as the undead.

Desert Island Discs not hypothetical

GUESTS on Radio 4’s Desert Island Discs are actually abandoned on a remote Pacific atoll, the BBC has revealed.

Secret Cinema victims treated for lack of perspective

THOUSANDS of middle class people are receiving emergency lack of perspective treatment following the cancellation of Secret Cinema.

Public furious at competent bankers

THE public has called for the RBS bankers who made a £1 billion profit to be replaced by bungling hate figures.

4x4 drivers demand worse roads

DRIVERS of 4x4 offroad vehicles are campaigning for more challenging roads with rubble and other hazards.

Rare records mostly dreadful

SCARCE and highly collectable vinyl records are generally awful, it has emerged.