A 29-YEAR-OLD man has cut off all contact with his mother after discovering she enjoys Ed Sheeran’s song Galway Girl.
THE government has confirmed that Britain is a waste of time and the country will be turned into one gigantic coffee shop.
A WOMAN is too busy marvelling at her ability to create actual human beings to worry about restoring ‘pre-baby body’, she has confirmed.
DOCTORS have recommended dropping ecstacy this evening to leave yourself plenty of time for a leisurely recovery.
THE velociraptors who starred in Jurassic Park will join the cast of the upcoming Jurassic World sequel, they have confirmed.
A GOOD solid war would do away with many of the ills of modern society, according to an 55-year-old office manager who weighs 18 stone.
BRITONS face a race against time to spend their old £5 notes while they are still legal tender.
THE Archbishop of Canterbury is to exorcise the unquiet spirit of Tony Blair that is haunting the election, he has announced.