A PAIR of deranged maniacs are going to take their children to a music festival while their friends stand back and let them.
NUTRITIONISTS have claimed eating two, four, six, or eight portions of fruit and vegetables every day is healthy, but eating one, three, five, or seven could be fatal.
TEENAGERS have declared themselves privileged to live in the golden age of music represented by flame-haired genius Ed Sheeran.
THE Guardian has published a guide to cooking quick, but delicious crystal meth for a casual Friday night get-together.
A NEW BBC Scotland channel will show English period dramas with voiceovers from Scottish people calling everyone ‘bawbags’.
THE White House has confirmed that President Donald Trump is on glue.
THE BBC is to intensify its war on Scotland by giving Europe’s unhealthiest population more television to watch.
EVEN funny stories about a fat man eating a pie now end in the ruination of everyone involved, it has been confirmed.