News

Britons slam government for letting them vote

MILLIONS of Britons are furious that they were allowed to vote on leaving the EU, they have announced.

Londoners now convinced rural England is basically 'Deliverance'

PRO-EU voters in London now believe the country’s rural communities are filled with utterly terrifying rednecks.

‘Okay, what the Jesus f**king balls is going on?' asks Britain

EVERYBODY in the UK would like to know precisely what the actual fuck, it has been confirmed.

EU ‘massively impressed’ by the way Britain’s handling this

THE European Union has praised Britain for the calm, efficient way it has dealt with the aftermath of the referendum.

Glastonbury to be held in large gymnasium from now on

MUD-COVERED Glastonbury wretches have agreed it is best if the festival is held in a big sports hall from now on.

Sharp drop in number of old ladies being helped across the road

THE number of old ladies being helped to cross British streets has plummeted since Friday.

Someone talks about something else

SOMEONE has briefly changed the subject, it has been confirmed.

Sunderland to become futuristic metropolis by 2018

SUNDERLAND will become a gleaming, futuristic utopia by 2018 now that Britain is leaving the EU.