News

Cornwall to celebrate new status with disgusting amount of cream

CORNWALL will today celebrate its new minority status with an unstoppable deluge of fresh cream.

Losing weight now a career

BEING famous for losing weight is an acceptable substitute for a modelling, acting or singing career, say minor celebrities.

BBC unveils new drama The Enunciators

THE BBC has unveiled a new drama which promises some of the most clearly-spoken action ever seen on TV.

UK to introduce 'drink banks'

CHURCH halls and community centres are to offer emergency alcohol supplies to those unable to afford it themselves.

Atheists are delusional, says Conservative Party’s chief Satanist

THE Conservative Party’s Grand Satanic Ambassador has assured atheists that they are totally wrong.

Photoshop expert finds proof of ghosts

AN expert in Photoshop and other graphics software, has found conclusive proof that ghosts exist.

Southern-style chicken, kebab, pizza and curry combo wins Masterchef

THIS year's Masterchef is the head cook at Tooting’s Southern-Style Chicken, Kebab, Pizza and Curry takeaway restaurant in south London.

England on fire as dragons take their revenge

TOWNS and villages across England are ablaze after giant dragons chose St George’s Day to avenge their murdered comrade.