News

48-year-old realises he can no longer manage full cooked breakfast

A MIDDLE-AGED man has realised that he can no longer make it more than two-thirds through a cooked breakfast.

Man always cries at bit in Die Hard where cop rediscovers the magic of killing

A MAN has admitted he always cries at Die Hard when the black cop who was afraid to draw his gun rediscovers the magic of killing.

90 per cent of men will happily drink disgusting coffee served by attractive female barista

MOST men will happily drink a vile coffee if it was made by an attractive woman, scientists have confirmed.

Present-hunting children unprepared for what they might find in 'mum's special drawer'

BRITAIN’S children are in no way prepared for what they will find in their parents’ bedrooms while looking for their Christmas presents, it has been confirmed.

Stupid f**king hats everywhere

BRITAIN was awash with stupid hats, it has emerged.

Daily Express readers still stranded in six feet of imaginary snow

DAILY Express readers have spent a fourth day trapped indoors by imaginary snowdrifts.

How to avoid Star Wars spoilers by being a grown-up and caring about grown-up things instead

ARE you worried about spoilers for the The Last Jedi? Here’s how to care about normal adult things instead.

Dacre ‘proud of himself’ for trousering half a million in EU subsidies while branding people traitors

DAILY Mail editor Paul Dacre has confirmed he is very proud of himself for taking £460,000 from the EU while branding remain voters as traitors.