News

Watching Eurovision ironically is still watching Eurovision, say experts

THE British public have been warned that watching the Eurovision Song Contest to sneer at it is no better than watching it genuinely, like a Belgian.

Adult colouring book doesn’t even contain naked breasts

BUYERS of adult colouring books have discovered they are devoid of any erotic content.

Professor bets he can turn SNP MP into a gentleman

A PROFESSOR has entered into a wager that he can make a Scottish National Party MP pass for a gentleman.

Bin Laden was 9/11 conspiracy theorist

OSAMA bin Laden was convinced that the CIA were responsible for the 9/11 attacks despite planning them himself, it has emerged.

Kent emotionally devastated by earthquake

KENT residents have said they may never trust the earth again after being hit by a 4.2 magnitude earthquake.

Henry Hoover watches you sleep

YOUR Henry Hoover comes into your bedroom at night and watches you from inches away, researchers have discovered.

Wonga advert features only thing more terrifying than puppets

MONEY lender Wonga has replaced its menacing pensioner puppets with even more menacing dinner ladies.

Cameron unveils plan to steal money from foreigners

DAVID Cameron has confirmed it is okay to steal stuff from foreigners.