News

Six-year-olds to be taught swearing

SWEARING education for six-year-olds is to become mandatory.

William goes into 'tyrant mode'

PRINCE William has lapsed into behaving like a 16th century tyrant during his tour of Australia.

Sharks interesting

SHARKS are really interesting, it has been confirmed.

Tesco vows to take Britain down with it

TESCO has warned the people of the UK that they will pay with their lives for abandoning it.

Jesus died to give us two bank holidays

THE Archbishop of Canterbury has given thanks to Jesus, who gave his life so that we could have not just a Monday off work but a Friday too.

Men seeking plausible beard exit strategies

MILLIONS of men are about to pretend a shaving accident caused them to remove their beard.

Yahoo News wins Pulitzer for cat lookalikes story

YAHOO News has won journalism’s most prestigious award for its coverage of cats that resemble celebrities.

Children of hippy parents getting shit eggs again

HIPPY parents will be giving their children drab, joyless dairy-free Easter eggs again this year, it has been confirmed.