News

Public school twat making crap gangster film

A FORMER public schoolboy is making a terrible East End gangster movie, he has announced.

Mum feels pre-emptively guilty about lie-in

A MUM-OF-THREE has spent the night before a planned lie in apologising to her loved ones for being 'self indulgent', sources have confirmed.

Show really gets going in season two, says friend who assumes you’re fine to sit through ten hours of shit

A TV show is worth persevering with because it improves after just ten hours, according to a friend who assumes you have nothing better to do.

My week whited-up as an angry, middle-aged man

Why I, an Afro-Caribbean woman, decided to put on latex, a fatsuit, ironed bootcut M&S jeans and a crisp blue shirt to find out the truth about life among the whites.

Reciprocal gift-giving ‘a lifelong contract from which there is no escape’

THE giving and receiving of gifts between women is a contract that can never be broken no matter how much each party yearns for escape.

Crime cool again

CRIME has come back into fashion in Britain, with criminals regarded as stylish and desirable role models by young people.

It’s not our fault they don’t take black kids at Eton, says Oxford

OXFORD University has defended its admissions policy by saying it is powerless to take black students when they have not been educated at Eton.

Nightclubs to trial 'old bastards' nights

NIGHTCLUBS across Britain are to trial ‘old bastards' nights where the music won't be quite as loud and everyone can leave by half one without being made to feel bad about it.