News

Glass of red wine about to be placed on carpet by idiot

AN idiot is moments away from placing a glass of red wine on her friend's carpet, it has been confirmed.

Brexit talks end as Google abolishes EU

BREXIT secretary David Davis is on his way home from Brussels after Google abolished the European Union.

Man just going to ignore new girlfriend’s belief in reincarnation

A MAN is sure his new relationship will be fine if he simply ignores his partner’s beliefs about reincarnation.

Big beard and tattoos no longer a sign that you're hard

HAVING a big beard and an arm full of tattoos is no longer a sign that you would be handy in a fight.

Office like one big family where everyone hates each other

AN OFFICE has been compared to a family where everyone detests each other and fights all the time.

I love money, confirms Queen

THE best thing about being monarch is the huge amount of money you get, the Queen has confirmed.

DUP gets £1bn for murals of fat Protestant men in bowler hats

THE DUP is to get £1bn of taxpayers money to spend on very large paintings of fat men in bowler hats and orange sashes.

Houseguest paralysed by indecision over flushing toilet in middle of night

A MAN who is staying with friends has found himself paralysed by indecision after using the lavatory in the middle of the night.