News

Berlin to send back thousands of British hipsters

BERLIN will return thousands of hipsters when Britain leaves the EU, it has emerged.

New Glastonbury to have turnip-growing contest and pig races

GLASTONBURY’S new festival the Variety Bazaar will feature large vegetables, a pig race with obstacles and Lady Gaga running a lucky dip.

Southern Rail threatens return to 'full service'

SOUTHERN Rail has ominously announced that its dreaded ‘full service’ is set to resume.

Barack Obama is President of the United States

BARACK Obama is president of the world’s most powerful country, it has been confirmed.

Britons flown back from Gambia to their marginally more stable home country

BRITONS are being flown home from a Gambia teetering on the edge of war to Britain, which is marginally more stable for the time being. 

Man thinks fellow cafe customers will enjoy sound of videos he is watching

A MAN in a cafe has decided to share the sound of the internet videos he is watching, because he thinks everyone will probably like that.

If you're being a tax haven we only really want London, say investors

INTERNATIONAL investors have demanded that when Britain becomes a tax haven it must slim down to just London.

Courgette famine yet to claim first victim

NOBODY has starved to death so far despite a desperate lack of courgettes reaching British shores.