News

Pavements face gridlock

HUGE baby buggies, heavier people and kids on scooters threaten the UK with pedestrian gridlock by 2015.

Pop-reggae thirst quenched for another 20 years

FOLLOWING the summer hit Rude by MAGIC!, music listeners have confirmed they are good for pop-reggae songs until the year 2034.

Geese think they are hard

GEESE are inexplicably convinced that they are hard as nails, it has emerged.

Viewing naked celebrity pictures ‘same as watching the news’

MEN have convinced themselves that looking at naked celebrity pictures is a legitimate part of keeping up with current affairs.

Graduates doing low-paid jobs in a moody way

UNIVERSITY graduates trapped in low-paid jobs have resolved to do them in a grudging, sour-faced manner.

Pitt and Jolie finally end their sex life

ANGELINA Jolie and Brad Pitt have confirmed that their sex life is over and done by announcing their marriage.

Privacy experts too paranoid even for lunch

The UK’s foremost authorities on privacy law have refused to confirm their availability for a working lunch next Friday.

Hello Kitty ‘the nightmarish result of an immoral genetic experiment’

HELLO Kitty is a vengeful cat-human hybrid that feeds on livers, it has been confirmed.