News

Woman already making space under stairs for bullshit healthy lifestyle gadget

A WOMAN who asked for a smoothie-maker for Christmas has found the perfect place for it to be stored and forgotten about.

Pissed off Christmas trees refusing to leave loft in protest at 2016

BRITISH Christmas trees have said they cannot face being in living rooms after such a hellish year.

Newly arrived Spanish waiter pleased with by-election result

A SPANISH waiter, newly arrived in the UK, has said the Richmond Park by-election result has given him a sense of hope and relief.

Owning a National Lottery account worse than having it hacked

YOUR life is already in serious trouble if you have a National Lottery account regardless of whether it gets hacked, experts believe.

Cafe puts on Fairport Convention to drive out hipsters

A CAFE has started playing Fairport Convention to encourage trendy young professionals to go away.

Oh shit, Trump taking this seriously

DONALD Trump’s announcement that he will leave his businesses for the presidency has left humanity terrified he is taking the job seriously.

34-year-old furious his mother hasn’t bought him an advent calendar

A 34-YEAR-OLD man is outraged that his mother has not bought him an advent calendar for the first year ever.

Woman actually didn’t get text

FOR the first time in recorded history, the excuse of not having received a text message has proved to be genuine.