Environment
WINTERÂ weather will result in a million of pictures of nothing much, experts have warned.
THE decline in marine life may in some way be connected to all the shit, piss and bleach pumped in there every single day by everyone in the world, it has been claimed.
STAY off the moors, yokels have warned.
PEOPLE who insist the days are getting longer are leaving a trail of psychological destruction across Britain.
BRITAIN'S relatively pleasant winter weather has taught absolutely nothing to an idle grasshopper that ignored the advice of an industrious ant.
THIRTY-FOUR participants in television rutting event Take Me Out have been killed by ITV rangers after escaping from their secure backstage enclosure.
CLAIMS that Britain's green energy revolution will cost consumers thousands of pounds have been dismissed by people who believe it is going to be windy.
THE scientist who discovered how large birds achieve erection has urged his colleagues not to name it after him.
TWO giant pandas were very drunk within 15 minutes of arriving in Scotland, it has emerged.
THE BBC gave penguins shots of whisky so they would act-up for the cameras, it has emerged.