Environment

THE shake-up of Britain's rail system is to include a multi-million project to make all trains, stations and platforms pony compliant within four years.

RECORD spring temperatures across the UK have raised concerns that global warming might be a real thing after all.

CONSTABLES called to a nocturnal disturbance in Windermere found a group of men cheering two battling plesiosaurs, it has emerged.

THE government has abandoned plans to force trees off benefits and into work.

THE M25 is a huge waste of money that goes round in a loop to ends exactly where it started, according to a devastating new report.

PRIMATES from the northern half of rainforests are more likely to be dishonest than their southerly counterparts, scientists have claimed.

RECORD numbers of UK households are ditching the family car for a medium-sized goat.

THE UK's biggest fox could probably have beaten a very large badger in an amazing fight, experts have claimed.

CUMBRIANS have imposed a moratorium on sex with close relatives amid fears they may have angered a supernatural being who lives deep in the ground.

DISFIGURED child murderer Freddy Krueger has asked householders to consider the environment or he may have to tear out their spleens, it emerged last night.