Lifestyle

EVERY other bird in Britain has admitted that the foul-mouthed parrots of Lincolnshire speak for them all.

IF the chance of getting it right is 50-50 it should happen half of the time. Instead, in these incidences it seems the odds are always against you.

A MAN going on a men’s night out that could conceivably end up in a nightclub has taken the sensible precaution of wearing trainers.

A WOMAN’S unruly crotch is a deliberate rewilding scheme and not a sign or laziness of neglect, she has asserted.

THE vocabulary you use around your teenager must be interpreted as ungenerously as possible because you personally are the patriarchy and racism, mum. Avoid these:

A MAN who recently hit 40 has somehow managed to do so without taking on anything that could be considered a responsibility.

A COUPLE claim that having to wear a bobble hat indoors all day is a desirable feature of their draughty old house.

THERAPISTS have admitted that counselling is little more than being paid loads to listen to people slag off friends and family behind their backs.

A MAN who sidled up to a group of friends and started dancing at them is now an indispensable and valued member of the group. 

IT is too early to tell if a woman’s nose ring is a sign she is really cool or a warning to not even think about a relationship with her.