The Daily Mash Headlines from TheDailyMash.co.uk. It's news to us http://www.thedailymash.co.uk Tue, 07 Feb 2012 09:29:25 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 UN deadlocked over Arab-killing rights http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4866&Itemid=89 THE United Nations Security Council remains deadlocked over which countries are allowed to exterminate Arab civilians. Tue, 07 Feb 2012 08:51:21 +0100 Abu Qatada appointed UK’s jihad tsar http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4865&Itemid=80 RADICAL Islamic cleric Abu Qatada is to overhaul British Islamo-fascism after being named as the country's first jihad 'tsar'. Tue, 07 Feb 2012 08:27:04 +0100 Rail bonuses to be replaced with knackered bus http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4863&Itemid=74 THE £20 million bonus pool for Network Rail bosses is to be repeatedly postponed then replaced by a former school bus. Tue, 07 Feb 2012 07:38:58 +0100 Dickens no longer relevant to thieving street orphans http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4862&Itemid=81 THE works of Charles Dickens have nothing to offer London's 21st Century thieving underclass, say experts. Mon, 06 Feb 2012 10:26:46 +0100 Google kicks Queen in the face http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4861&Itemid=80 GOOGLE has kicked the Queen squarely in the teeth, it has been confirmed. Mon, 06 Feb 2012 09:13:07 +0100 Chelsea-Man U 'a great advert for atheism' http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4860&Itemid=26 SUPPORTERS of every other team in the country say the 3-3 match at Stamford Bridge yesterday was definitive proof of a godless universe. Mon, 06 Feb 2012 08:59:36 +0100 Snow continues to be the same http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4859&Itemid=35 THIS year's snow is the same as last year's, it has been confirmed. Mon, 06 Feb 2012 08:41:36 +0100 Reader offer http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4858&Itemid=98 Pro-Ponce Manager 2012. Sat, 04 Feb 2012 08:56:32 +0100 Trump shoots Romney in the face http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4857&Itemid=98 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 12:59:33 +0100 Panic as Britain Huhneless http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4856&Itemid=81 BRITAIN is in the hands of a Huhneless government. Fri, 03 Feb 2012 11:14:29 +0100 Scottish expedition discovers then deep-fries massive prawn http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4855&Itemid=35 MARINE biologists from Scotland have discovered, deep-fried and eaten the world's biggest prawn. Fri, 03 Feb 2012 09:53:06 +0100 Capello advised not to select anybody http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4854&Itemid=26 FABIO Capello has been asked to submit an empty team sheet for Euro 2012 to avoid selecting gits. Fri, 03 Feb 2012 09:12:55 +0100 William to appease Argentina with Nazi uniform http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4853&Itemid=89 PRINCE William is to ease the growing tension with Argentina by borrowing his brother's SS uniform. Fri, 03 Feb 2012 08:50:19 +0100 Dr Julian Cook's science laboratory http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4852&Itemid=29 With Mel’s advancing years and poor diet, he’s probably more familiar with asteroids' grizzlier cousin, hemorrhoids. Thu, 02 Feb 2012 10:51:33 +0100 Ordinary taxpayers to get a go at being Prince Andrew http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4851&Itemid=98 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 10:35:56 +0100 Straight men trying not to notice Daniel Craig's eyes http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4850&Itemid=98 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 10:31:53 +0100 Sainsbury's changes name of Tiger Bread to Psoriasis Bread http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4849&Itemid=98 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 10:26:45 +0100 Men thank their mothers for not being Denise Welch http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4848&Itemid=75 MEN across Britain have forgiven their mothers for everything they have said or done after encountering Denise Welch. Thu, 02 Feb 2012 09:56:48 +0100 Transfer window round-up, with Brian Sewell http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4847&Itemid=26 JANUARY is traditionally the month in which my friends and I assess our collections to see which pieces are surplus to requirement and arrange an auction at the Garrick. Thu, 02 Feb 2012 09:27:45 +0100 IT professionals deny they would ever help anyone http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4846&Itemid=35 CLAIMS surrounding James Murdoch's missing emails have prompted IT staff to deny they would ever assist a colleague with anything, ever. Thu, 02 Feb 2012 09:05:47 +0100