Headlines from TheDailyMash.co.uk. It's news to us http://www.thedailymash.co.uk Tue, 09 Feb 2010 18:23:08 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2456&Itemid=29 OH-my-God, I'm like, sooooooo busy at the moment - I haven't had any time to be down in the dumps, unlike the crowd of people I saw today standing at a bus stop in the rain. I told my driver to slow down and as he did, I poked my head out of the window and hollered, Cheer up guys - it might never happen! It doesn't matter how mega-stressed you're feeling, you've still got to find time for your fans... Tue, 09 Feb 2010 13:24:37 +0100 http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2455&Itemid=89 THE arrest of a US soldier accused of sticking his daughter's head in a sink has sparked a national debate over when it is acceptable to water-board a child. Tue, 09 Feb 2010 11:45:13 +0100 http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2454&Itemid=74 ADMINISTRATORS were last night called in to retail chain Ethel Austin, as thousands insisted it definitely went out of business no later than 1961. Tue, 09 Feb 2010 10:23:42 +0100 http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2453&Itemid=75 PASSAGES in the Old Testament predict the current relationship problems between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, according to a leading academic. Tue, 09 Feb 2010 09:23:36 +0100 http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2452&Itemid=81 SHAMED police chief Ali Dizaei's attempt to frame an innocent man was littered with 'schoolboy errors', his former colleagues said last night. Tue, 09 Feb 2010 08:36:03 +0100 http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2450&Itemid=28 DIMWITS and mediocrities too stupid to get a proper job are not above the law, according to a legal expert. Mon, 08 Feb 2010 14:30:25 +0100 http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2449&Itemid=26 FABIO Capello was in buoyant mood last night after England were drawn against the mythical land of Narnia in the 2012 European qualifiers. Mon, 08 Feb 2010 08:51:31 +0100 http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2448&Itemid=89 (news/international/tea-party-ends-with-traditional-throwing-of-the-faeces-201002082448/)THE American Tea Party movement closed its convention yesterday with a traditional throwing of freshly deposited faeces. Mon, 08 Feb 2010 08:03:12 +0100 http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2447&Itemid= Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:30:59 +0100 http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2446&Itemid=29 Despatches from Poppy Spalding Friday: Greece This week I'm in Athens, the ancient city responsible for PE, maths and classics and, without which, there would have been no need for me to attend fifth form on a Tuesday. Fri, 05 Feb 2010 10:11:22 +0100 http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2445&Itemid=81 A QUIET, middle-aged science fiction and traction engine enthusiast has advertised his virginity for £6 or nearest offer. Fri, 05 Feb 2010 09:48:55 +0100 http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2444&Itemid=26 FOOTBALL manager and brothel enthusiast Avram Grant has the world's finest wife, according to a new survey. Fri, 05 Feb 2010 09:25:31 +0100 http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2443&Itemid=74 (news/business/toyota-urged-leave-sting%27s-prius-alone-201002052443/)TOYOTA was last night urged to fix the brakes on more than 250,000 Prius hybrids as quickly as possible, except Sting's. Fri, 05 Feb 2010 08:50:12 +0100 http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2442&Itemid=40 Dear Holly, I have developed strong feelings for a woman I work with but she does not seem to ready to accept our love and is in a permanent state of denial. Although I am always doing romantic things for her, like sending her clumps of my pubic hair through internal mail... Thu, 04 Feb 2010 12:21:16 +0100 http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2440&Itemid=81 MOST mobile phones are now more intelligent than their teenage owners, it emerged last night. Thu, 04 Feb 2010 10:16:55 +0100 http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2439&Itemid=28 HALF of all MPs will be forced to repay expenses while the other half have somehow managed to lie their way out of it, according to a report published today. Thu, 04 Feb 2010 09:37:23 +0100 http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2438&Itemid=80 (news/war/bin-laden-deserves-a-hefty-fine%2c-says-cherie-blair-201002042438/)OSAMA Bin Laden would find himself at the sharp end of a £200 fine if he was tried in a British court, Cherie Blair said last night. Thu, 04 Feb 2010 09:01:34 +0100 http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2437&Itemid=77 HAGS and crones will take centre stage in the BBC's spring schedule as the corporation announces a big increase in witch-themed programming. Wed, 03 Feb 2010 10:18:41 +0100 http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2436&Itemid=81 TAXI drivers in Southampton have installed signs reassuring passengers they speak nasty, ill-informed horseshit. Wed, 03 Feb 2010 09:48:19 +0100 http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2435&Itemid=74 (news/business/fairytale-comes-true-as-skank-marries-cage-fighter-201002032435/)IT is every little girl's dream - to carve out a career as a fake-breasted, professional skank and then marry her perfect cage fighter in a Las Vegas casino. Wed, 03 Feb 2010 09:02:42 +0100