'Springwatch' Badger Is Benefits Cheat

SPRINGWATCH badger Gary Degan is a dole cheat who is claiming thousands of pounds in benefits while appearing on the hit television show. 

The reality television star told programme producers he was an unemployed dancer when he auditioned for his role in the BBC2 show,

which brings with it a £25,000 appearance fee.

In fact Degan runs his own window cleaning round while also making multiple benefits claims to support three different sows and 18 badger cubs.

Debby Cankers, executive producer on the show, said she was shocked to learn that Degan was a serial womaniser and dole cheat running a lucrative cash-in-hand business on the side.

She said: "We never even knew badgers could climb ladders, never mind hold a chamois leather and a bucket.”

Roger Morton, chief investigator for the local Department of Social Security, said: "Maybe he thought none of us would see him on the show because most of his stuff goes out late at night."

The BBC last night said it was reviewing the badger’s position on the show although Degan himself denied any wrongdoing saying his £25,000 fee was to cover 'expenses' and insisted: "I've never been up a ladder in his life."

But Alice Pont, 83, confirmed that Degan had been doing her windows every four weeks for the last two years.

"I would recognise that face anywhere. He does a great job too. No smearing."

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Minister Tells Middle Classes: Buy A Bong

MIDDLE class people looking to get "off their tits" should give up wine and smoke drugs "like everyone else", health minister Caroline Flint said last night. 

According to the minister too many middle class people are having quiet suppers at home with fine wines instead of opening up their houses for mass drug benders.

She said these "problem drinkers" would be far better off if they smoked "da bong" with a load of strangers and eat ten rounds of cheese on toast at four in the morning.

Ms Flint said: "We as a government are committed to stamping out anti-social behaviour, and there is nothing more anti-social than having a few of your posh friends round for a simple rustic supper and a three or four bottles of good Chianti.

"Middle class people have the best party houses with loads of space for dancing and lots of bedrooms. Yet all they ever use them for is these polite dinner parties, and the occasional bit of coke snorting.

"We want to make it socially unacceptable for the middle classes to sit about getting quietly merry on their own in their big houses every night.

"They should either be drunk out on the streets being sick like most normal people, or inviting everyone back to theirs to get totally laid out on some quality skunk."