Being so jaw-droppingly gorgeous is such hard work, why do the public have to persecute me for it? You’d think that by shining the light of my staggering beauty into the lives of the ugly trolls that surround me, I’d be admired and celebrated, but all I get is hatred. Why are people so cruel?
Just be grateful we’re not still living in the 1970s when Jesus was alive, because there’s no doubt you would have been crucified by a baying mob. Back then, Jesus was pioneering the handsome bearded librarian look which is still a favourite with students and hippies everywhere; but in Jesus’ day, it was pretty radical for men to be anything other than clean shaven. John Lennon was another one who let his hair grow long and look what happened to him. So-called ‘real’ men shaved their heads, wore donkey jackets, listened to Dexy’s Midnight Runners and worked in the mines. They protested violently when Margaret Thatcher tried to pass a law that allowed men to go the hairdressers, and cowardly fops like Laurence Lewellyn-Bowen had to go underground for fear of their lives. But Jesus wasn’t scared to stand up for his right to sport a dandy quiff, and sacrificed himself for the cause. Thankfully, he had time to invent the Easter egg before they finally came for him.
Hope that helps!