Thursday, 15th April 2021

An eight-point guide to being a dick on the internet

IS everyone on Twitter an idiot except you? Do you love angry typing or threatening people? Then trolling, also known as ‘being an absolute fucking dick,’ could be for you. Here's an eight-point guide:

1) The first thing to remember is that everyone on the Internet is stupid. It is your job to tell them all how wrong they are about everything.

2) As a rule of thumb anything you would not say to somebody out loud in real life is most definitely OK to say online in front of millions of people.

3) Be mean to all the women. Especially the ones who have opinions or cellulite. If they do not leave the Internet immediately, get a bit rapey with them.

4) It doesn’t matter what you say it is the way you say it. Don’t be afraid to call someone a dirty pedo on a thread about homemade soup.

5) Use Photoshop not facts.

6) Never scroll past anything you do not agree with. In fact, even if you do agree with it or have no idea what it means, comment with 'stupid c**t' anyway.

7) Don’t let a little thing like ‘not reading the article’ stop you having an opinion about the article, the writer of the article and anyone commenting on the article.

8) And finally, when in doubt ask yourself, ‘what would Piers Morgan do?’.