Boots sandwiches to have Jamie Oliver on them because you'll like that

BOOTS sandwiches are to carry the words ‘Jamie Oliver’ because they are fairly sure it will impress people like you.

The high street chain rebrands its sandwich range every six weeks in order to continually distract people from the fact they are buying their lunch from a chemist.

The latest strategy will see the popular savoury cheese flavour changed to ‘A Combination Of Really Good Cheese And Bread That Jamie Is Very Excited About’.

Meanwhile, tuna mayonnaise will become ‘Just Because It’s Tuna And Mayonnaise Doesn’t Mean It Can’t Be Really Amazing’.

A spokesman said: “Yes, that is the sort of thing you like.”



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30 years on, French teacher still hates Michael Gove's guts

FRENCH teacher Roy Hobbs’s hatred for his former pupil Michael Gove endures to this day, it has emerged.

Replying to Gove’s publicity-seeking letter apologising for being a little shit, Hobbs wrote: “Of course I remember you. You were a little fuck then and you’re a little fuck now.

“Perhaps you’d like to come around to my house, and I could hit you in the mouth with a rounders bat.

“Yours, Roy (Sir to you, you bastard).”