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Saturday, 31st January 2026
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London Olympics will be third or fourth best ever

 

Britain begins 2012 in realistic mood.

 

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Trespasser makes narrow escape from Lindsay Lohan's garden

 

Feral starlet came within inches of hapless pedestrian.

 

 

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  1. Your astrological week ahead for January 31st, with Psychic Bob
  2. The Archbishop of Canterbury on… could people be scared because you won't stop scaring them, Suella?
  3. Come with me as I categorise offal, with Gary Barlow
  4. This week in Mash History: Entire nation enraptured by traitors in Scottish castle, 1567
  5. Your astrological week ahead for January 24th, with Psychic Bob
  6. The Archbishop of Canterbury on… shafting Andy Burnham, another brilliant vote-winning Labour idea
  7. A white home counties roadman suffers da rank consequences of misrememberin' peng gyal's birthday
  8. A confused millennial tries to… accept he's nearly 40
  9. Your astrological week ahead for January 17th, with Psychic Bob
  10. The Archbishop of Canterbury on… staunchly defending the right to kick people's heads in
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