Wife who agreed to share bottle of wine only drinks one glass again

A WIFE who keeps agreeing to share a whole bottle of wine with her husband has only had one glass again, it has been confirmed.

Lying spouse Sarah Bishop yet again said ‘yes’ to sharing a bottle but hardly drank any, leaving her husband Martin looking like a bit of a pisshead as he finished it off.  

Martin Bishop said: “She only had half of the one small glass I gave her. Obviously I had to drink the rest because otherwise it would oxidise or something which I assume means it would explode.

“It was a £7.99 bottle so I couldn’t pour it away, but then I felt surprisingly pissed when I went to bed. I couldn’t be arsed to clean my teeth, so if I need a filling that’s entirely Sarah’s fault.

“What I really don’t get is that if we share a pudding in a restaurant and I take more than half she absolutely loses her shit.”

Sarah Bishop said: “I have no fucking idea why I keep doing this. I think it’s something to do with Tuesdays. On Fridays I can drink a whole box of wine and move onto sherry in a mug.”