DRINKERS under 40 are not managing to keep pace with their elders, leading to awkward round-buying and life-expectancy disparities.
New surveys showing younger adults routinely shun alcohol has left older, wiser imbibers wondering how society is expected to stagger on without a solid core of pissheads.
Drinker Thomas Logan said: “First of all, who’ll keep the nightlife going? Because you’re not going to keep bars profitable on mocktails and microdosing.
“Second, there’s the knock-on effect on kebab shops, social smoking and public urination. When all the late-night chicken places close, leaving our high street even more denuded, that’s on you.
“Key questions like who’ll keep pubs open, who’ll slump in front of the telly at 11pm half-watching whatever shite film the BBC’s put on, and who’ll get the next round in also need to be answered by those younger ones. Especially that last, I’m empty here.”
28-year-old Josh Hudson said: “Weirdly, it might be because our parents, bosses and supposed mentors are so resolutely drunk that puts us off a lifetime of slurred intoxication.
“You keep drinking, though. Don’t listen to the medical advice. Shhh. You have another single malt and die nice and early leaving us your houses.”
