CNN is to replace its veteran talk show host Larry King with some fat faced prick it dragged in off the streets.
The prick, named locally as Piers Morgan, will take over the network’s flagship programme in what experts believe may be some sort of tax dodge.
Tom Logan, media analyst at Madeley-Finnegan, said: “It could be that CNN or its parent company Time Warner need to avoid corporation tax next year and so are taking steps now to make a massive loss. I cannot think of another possible reason for doing this.”
CNN insists the prick has a fine journalistic pedigree and used to work in newspapers until he became editor of the Daily Mirror.
But he was forced to resign in 2004 after the company’s directors finally agreed they should probably have an editor who actually understood things.
The prick then went on to develop a career in meeting famous people and then telling other people that he had met them, resulting in a pair of best-selling books bought by the sort of people who like to watch snuff movies.
In recent years he has been a panel member of both Britain Must be Stopped and its US equivalent Normal Americans, forcing everyone to assume he must have evidence that Simon Cowell murdered someone in his youth.
In April this year he interviewed then prime minister Gordon Brown in a bid to help Labour’s pathetic election campaign not realising that faced with the choice between a Morgan-endorsed candidate and Adolf Eichmann, the British people would be dusting off their swastikas and blaming everything on Woody Allen.
The prick said last night: “Where’s my fucking chai tea lattÃ© you irrelevant piece-of-shit? Don’t you know I’m friends with David Hasselhoff and Howard from Take That?
“Gordon Brown’s a really nice guy, you know.”