THE old James Bond wasn’t afraid to charm ladies with a slap or quip about shifty orientals. Despite not having seen No Time To Die, gammon Roy Hobbs explains what’s wrong with it.
Bond takes the knee every time a black character enters the room
It’s gone way too far. Bond used to strangle SMERSH operatives with his bare hands, while joking about it. Now he’s kow-towing to a different Marxist organisation: BLM. Disgusting.
Bond acknowledges his feelings and cries like a girl
It’s all about bloody ‘feelings’ these days. You think Sean Connery had feelings? Did he f**k. The only feelings he had were pride at putting some hysterical woman straight with a firm smack.
Bond wears a pink dress like he’s Grayson Perry, or something
I’ve not seen the film but this probably happens. Come on! What next, Bond making bloody ceramics? Or a gay Bond? I won’t be able to sleep tonight after imagining that.
The Americans play a significant role
Don’t be ridiculous. In the old Bond films, the Americans offered token assistance as Bond averted global catastrophe with just his tuxedo, an Aston Martin, a Union Jack parachute and a Walther PPK. Now they’re making out the Yanks are some sort of superpower or something.
They let off the arch-villain because he had a troubled upbringing and give him 20 hours community service
It’s what happens these days. If Bond’s going to be a woman of colour, the only one that’s vaguely acceptable is Priti Patel. She’d probably torture Blofeld and feed him to sharks herself.