Lads' mags to come in 'bite-through' packaging

LADS’ magazines are to be sold in bags that readers must tear apart with their teeth to view the nudity within.

The special ‘bite bags’ have been introduced following concerns from retailers that browsing children could be corrupted by images of heavily photoshopped girls in unconvincing lesbian scenarios.

A spokesman for the Federation of Lad Magazine Publishers said: “Readers simply need to place the magazine in their mouth, bite down hard and shake it from left to right.

“It may help to place one hand on the magazine to steady it while biting. Like lions do on the telly when they’ve got an antelope.

“The bag will break and the magazine will fall out. Then you can look at breasts.”

However the protective bags have provoked anger and confusion from fans of tepid 90s quasi-porn.

Nuts reader Tom Booker said: “Me buy boobie book. Why boobie book pages no open?

“Outside of boobie book feel funny, like oil.

“Me want see woman picture now. Also car article and Peter Kay gag.

“And screen capture of scene from straight-to-DVD thriller where Sienna Miller get left boob out.

“Me like this.”

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The President of France is an arsehole

IT is now legal to insult the President of France who, by the way, is a massive twat.

France’s highest court ruled that special legal protection should not be given to the country’s dickish, bum-faced head of state.

Francois Hollande, the current president, welcomed the ruling like the spineless turd-bucket that he is.

The case was brought after someone insulted Hollande’s predecessor Nicolas Sarkozy, probably by calling him a gurning, pint-sized fucknugget.