PRINCE Harry’s life story will soon become a series of epic blockbusters and the basis of an expanded cinematic universe, it has been revealed.
Harry: Spare of Windsor will herald a new film franchise centred around the thrilling adventures of the Duke of Sussex as he fights the malevolent forces of his family and the UK media.
Hollywood insider Tom Booker said: “Audiences are getting bored of movies about superheroes and Norse gods. What they’re crying out for is a trilogy of films based on Harry’s memoir, each running well over three hours.
“We’ll have to use some artistic licence, obviously, so don’t be surprised when Harry kills 25 Taliban with his laser vision. If The Crown can play fast and loose with the truth, Hollywood can lower its high standards of historical accuracy just this once.
“So meet H, the ex-forces action hero fighting both bad guys and his personal demons as he battles his arch-nemesis known only as The Receding Man, who – spoiler warning – turns out to be his brother.
“This is just the start of it. Harry’s cinematic universe will include films based on the rich lore of his personal history, a lot like Lord of the Rings. There are at least half a dozen prequels to be wrung out of his cocaine-fuelled teenage years and the time he shagged a cougar in a field.
“Of course the main attraction will be the Meghan Markle trilogy. It’ll essentially be Wonder Woman but with Beyonce in the lead role and a lot more daddy issues. So that’s something to look forward to.”