Rita Ora and other singers who have brutally murdered innocent songs

GOOD cover versions are classics in their own right, or there are these travesties that make even the originals unlistenable: 

All Saints – Under the Bridge

The Red Hot Chili Peppers original is their only decent track, detailing Anthony Kiedis’s poignant descent into heroin addiction. All Saints hit their own rock bottom by recording this breathy cover packed with choppy sampling. Their attempt to look urban and edgy in the video is about as convincing as your aunt wearing a baseball cap sideways.

Rita Ora – Running Up That Hill

So wildly removed from the original that you question if she’s actually heard Kate Bush’s, version, or is familiar with the phrase ‘less is more’ If this had been in Stranger Things then being disembowelled by the Demigorgon would come as a release.

Katie Price and Peter Andre – A Whole New World

Peter Andre can carry a tune, but their all-encompassing 00s celebrity means that Katie Price elbowed in on his gig to voice Princess Jasmine, but with massive jugs. Did the couple have compromising material of studio executives? Were the US Army searching for new tracks to use at Guantanamo Bay? Why else would this exist?

t.A.T.u – How Soon Is Now? 

The widespread feeling in 2002 that Russian schoolgirl lesbians could do no wrong was almost immediately dispelled by this novelty act’s second single, a Smiths cover that is at once too faithful to be interesting and too different to ever be loved. Probably responsible for David Cameron discovering The Smiths. That’s how worthless it was.

Ronan Keating – Fairytale of New York

In a twisted way it’s marvellous that a seminal work by one of Ireland’s greatest songwriters was covered by one of its most anodyne singers. Utterly devoid of the raw energy that made the original so beloved, Keating delivers the vocals with the enfeebled strain of a man whose Christmas has delivered no hardship greater than running out of Sellotape. At least Moya Brennan doesn’t sing the bad word.

One Direction – One Way or Another (Teenage Kicks)

Not content with ruining one classic song, Harry Styles and the boys he never calls these days decided to wreck two. Somehow worse than the sum of its parts, this mash-up of Blondie and The Undertones has a suitably egregious video complete with David Cameron cameo. All the money it raised for Comic Relief should be burnt.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Hipster Londoners go out to see queue

COOL Londoners have headed over to the Thames to see this queue everyone is talking about.

Residents of the capital, who are far too superior to be bothered with any of the attractions that only tourists and provincials on day trips visit, are flocking to an extraordinary pop-up art installation ironically critiquing Britishness.

Julian Cook of Dalston said: “Of course I’ve never been to Buckingham Palace or Westminster Abbey or any of those things. Why would I? I live here.

“But the queue is amazing. Snaking five miles along the Thames, like a human wall stopping anyone making the mistake of going south of the river, it’s absurd, surreal and very Instagrammable.

“It reminds me of the 2012 thing, the Olympics, where all these people pretended to play invented sports and get medals even though the whole thing was a meaningless charade. Only in London would people actually get this, you know?”

Grace Wood-Morris, aged 20, said: “The queue? That’s so Thursday. I’m into the queue for the queue.”