Taken fans have not seen any non-Taken films

TAKEN 3 audience members have seen no other films apart from Taken and Taken 2, it has emerged.

Researchers found that fans of the Liam Neeson revenge thriller franchise had no interest in other works of cinema, or indeed in art of any kind.

Taken enthusiast Stephen Malley said: “I don’t like films generally, because there’s always the danger that the makers are going to try to be creative by introducing some element you cannot predict.

“You don’t get that with Taken.”

Fellow Taken fan Roy Hobbs said: “When not doing my boring management job, I like playing golf and reading car magazine. Films, and indeed fiction in general, I believe to be the preserve of women and gays.

Taken though has everything I could desire from an entertainment experience – masculinity, men in leather jackets falling off of roofs and interesting foreign locations.

“I nearly went to see a James Bond film once but it looked a bit fancy.”

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Super Bowl is incredibly depressing vision of Britain’s future

THE Super Bowl is a terrible vision of what it will be like here in ten years’ time, it has been claimed.

Hundreds of millions around the globe watched the vast and garish clash of lumbering giants with its rampant commercialism, fervent nationalism and soulless musical entertainment.

Futurologist Nikki Hollis said: “It is easy to sneer at the excesses of American culture but they have simply beaten us to the point of believing that Katy Perry prancing with foam rubber shark mutants is a good thing.

“We are working hard to master capitalism, burger eating and slavish devotion to giant evil corporations and I fully expect to see corn dogs as part of the Boots meal deal by 2024.

“By this point we will be even more obsessed with celebrity and in a permanent state of near-frantic positivity.

“American football is, in any case, just rugby with hats.”