Falling inflation means system will find some other way to screw you

BRITAIN is waiting to find out how it will be made to pay dearly for low inflation.

Experts said the 0.5 percent rate meant there would be a brief period where you may feel relatively prosperous, but it will be brought to a shuddering halt with something particularly cruel and nasty.

Martin Bishop, chief economist at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: “I’m an economist so I don’t really know how any of this works, but someone, somewhere will either fuck something up or do something quite deliberate.

“It will lead to some sort of crunch or squeeze, or perhaps a bubble will pop.  It will be blamed on ‘the system’ but it will actually be caused by people.

“Either way, it’s going to be very bad for you. Oh well.”

He added: “But don’t despair because you can protect yourself against ‘the system’. All you have to do is become very, very rich indeed.”


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London buses turned into flats

LONDON’S unused buses have been sold off as luxury apartments for the mega-rich.

During today’s bus strike the entire fleet of almost 9,000 buses has been driven to the capital’s most desirable addresses, had the wheels removed and the interiors clad in Siberian larch, and are on the market for between £500,000 and £1.8 million.

Boris Johnson said: “What could be a more iconic London property than the double-decker bus, parked in hitherto unavailable locations like Tower Bridge, Trafalgar Square and the Dartford Tunnel?”

If the scheme is successful, Transport for London is already planning to turn tube trains into a network of private clubs and conference rooms.

Susan Traherne, from Crouch End said: “I got on the bus to get to work, was mistaken for a maid and now I earn £42,000 a year cleaning it for an Arab investor who will never actually live there.”