Gap Appalled At Quality Of Child Stitching

FASHION chain Gap has rejected an entire shipload of chinos produced by children in India saying the quality of the workmanship was “atrocious”. 

Martha Talridge, Gap’s head of quality control, said the trousers were poorly finished, unevenly stitched and actually looked like they had been made by a child.

She said the chinos also had serious design flaws, with many being flat-fronted instead of featuring a single pleat making them totally unsellable as that was just so last season.

Ms Talridge said: “We were made aware earlier this week by a fashion reporter that children were producing poorly made and unstylish chinos.

“If their work is not up to the high standards we demand then they should just stick to stitching footballs for Nike.”

Wayne Hayes, Gap’s head of chino technology, said the problem might be that Indian factories had switched to using 10 and 12 year-olds to make the trousers, rather than six year-olds who had much more nimble fingers.

He said: “These older guys are fine for assembling toys or sticking the soles onto your trainers, but when it comes to putting some detail on a really top class pair of chinos they're hopeless.”

He called for improved training for the under 10s and warned of dire consequences if Gap was forced to switch its trouser manufacturing back to 83 year-old Chinese seamstresses working in horrendous conditions in the backstreets of Hong Kong.

“Your chinos could go up by as much as a dollar a pair,” he said.

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Royals Blackmailed Over 'Deformed Prince Under The Stairs'

THE Royal Family is being blackmailed over claims they have been keeping a deformed prince in a cupboard under the stairs.

Weekend newspaper reports suggested that the Queen and Prince Philip imprisoned the hideously ugly child more than 30 years ago and have been feeding him twice a day on stale Cornish pasties and cans of Irn Bru.

Late last week two men were arrested in connection with the alleged plot amid speculation they held secret video footage of the Buckingham Palace troll being walked on a chain.

The Palace last night denied the allegations but stressed that if a member of the Royal Family was locked in the boot cupboard under the footmen's rear staircase, the public could rest assured it was not one of the important ones.

A Palace insider said: "Over the years we've heard violent screams and torrents of unspeakable profanity, but we just assumed it was Prince Philip watching a documentary about immigration.

"A few years ago there were whispers about a child who was so hideous he was banned from appearing in public, but then we saw Prince Edward on It's a Knockout."

It is the latest blackmail scandal to hit the House of Windsor. Last year Prince Charles was forced to deny allegations that he rides his wife around the drawing room like a seaside donkey.

Meanwhile the Royal Family is to commission its own version of the famed Terracotta Army of the first Chinese emperor Qin Shi Huangdi.

The Windsors' army will number more than 2000 figures including a terracotta car crash organiser, a terracotta drug dealer and a terracotta provider of blow-jobs.