Glass Of Piss Reaches £75 On Ebay

IT is more than two weeks old and is starting to get a bit cloudy, but after topping £75 last night it has become eBay's most expensive glass of piss.

The urine, passed into an Ikea tumbler after an evening of vodka and Red Bull somewhere in the Midlands, has attracted interest from the USA, Europe and Hong Kong.

Urine producer Tom Logan said: "I got up at  four in the morning and I couldn't remember where the toilet was, so I just grabbed a glass out of the sink.

"I was going to chuck it when I got up and then I thought, 'no, hang on, I'll stick it on eBay'."

He stressed that people were bidding only for the urine, adding: "I'm going to wash the glass and auction it separately next week. A clean Ikea tumbler in good condition can fetch up to £42."

The previous record holder was a four day-old glass of what used to be Scrumpy Jack, which was sold to a Frenchman for £68 in the run-up to Christmas.

The recent piss-glass frenzy follows a series of record bids, including £88 for half a KitKat and a bit of old pie, £130 for a three year-old Bic pen with about half the ink still in it, and a £325 bid for a 1998 two pence piece.

Logan said he plans to freeze the urine before posting it in a jiffy bag.

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Rizlas To Carry Cannabis Tedium Warning

RIZLA cigarette papers are to carry warnings that excessive cannabis smoking makes you incredibly boring and likely to bore others around you.

The warnings follow new research into the dangers of so-called 'passive tedium' which show that people exposed to cannabis smokers are often incredibly bored by the experience.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "You may think that your incoherent theories about the nature of music are interesting. But the fact is, they are unbelievably boring and you have to shut up."

He added: "The danger is other people become so bored they start to throw up and before you know it you have to make yourself look interesting by growing dreadlocks.

"It's about as cutting edge and rebellious as my Gran. Reggae? Thump, thump, thump. Batty boys, Mr Bombastic. What a lot of pish."

A series of warnings will be printed on each individual Rizla paper including:

  • Smoking cannabis while pregnant will make your baby boring
  • Cannabis smoking will lead to a slow and painful conversation
  • Don't stab people in the eye when you go all psycho and shit

Health minister Alan Johnson said that every day cannabis smoking bores 19,000 Europeans who don't smoke cannabis.

He added: "We're urging moderation. There's no need to roll a really fat one first thing in the morning, unless you have a stressful job like driving a train."