Thursday, 4th March 2021

No Deal Brexit could see Waitrose become billionaire-only

ONLY customers with a net worth of a billion-plus will be able to afford Waitrose if Britain leave the EU without a deal, the supermarket has warned.

Waitrose has advised its regular customers that when food prices rise due to a No Deal Brexit they will be no better than Aldi shoppers while it becomes the exclusive retailer to Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg and James Dyson.

A spokesman said: “Currently our store is within the reach of ordinary six-figure earners, if they’re feeling flush. But not if we crash out of the EU.

“If that were to happen even the carrier bags would require a mortgage. A big shop would cost more than the country’s annual GDP, and you’d have to unlock the trollies with a Bitcoin.

“Our car parks will be converted into marinas so the clientele could swing by in their megayachts after the morning school run, and you can forget about topping up your KeepCup unless you’ve been gifted a windfall from a Nigerian prince.

“Our new shoppers will love our new ranges, like 233,000 hectares of Scottish forest, Alaskan mining rights, a 116-story central London apartment block, and Lionel Messi.”

Waitrose shopper Francesca Johnson said: “They can’t take away my cherished memories of paying £3.50 for Duchy Organic Cypriot Halloumi.”