TK Maxx Christmas advert lasts three hours and ends in a fight

TK MAXX’S new Christmas advert is three hours long and ends in a punch-up. 

The advert initially dazzles with a host of designer names but then continues to showcase brands you are not sure you have heard of, have not heard of and are half-convinced are made up.

Director Julian Cook said: “A woman takes a pair of Gucci heels to the checkout before realising they’re different sizes. A man slices his hand open on a cheaply-made Christmas decoration.

“The unnamed hero of the story is a grandparent trying to find a present for his beloved granddaughter, and we follow him through the story until, in keeping with the shopping experience, something else catches our eye and we forget him completely.

“It all ends with an epic fight over Calvin Klein boxers at the checkout, soundtracked by a Sugababes track which isn’t a Christmas song but which was available for a bargain price.”

Viewer Norman Steele said: “It’s overlong, overwhelming, and ultimately exhausting. I will watch it again.”

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Getting out of bed against all natural instincts

BRITONS must currently overcome 43 separate instincts in order to leave their beds, it has emerged.

According to the Institute for Studies, leaving warmth and safety to enter a dark, cold environment is a grotesque violation of nature.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Millions of years of evolution has taught us to seek comfort and shelter – basically bed.

“Our ancestors would not have left their caves to venture into freezing pitch darkness, they weren’t that stupid. They stayed under their bearskins, getting up about midday to go and grab some berries and twigs before quickly running back to the fire.”

Tom Booker, from Stevenage, said: “I struggle to get out of bed because on some subconscious level I am worried about bears and wolves.

“We’re conditioned to blame ourselves as being lazy, but actually these things are horrible for a reason.

“I may be a glorified monkey but I must be true to my inner voice. So I’ve just called in sick with pretend Norovirus.”