UK economy now 92 per cent paintball

BRITAIN’S economy is almost entirely based on paintball, according to new figures.

The UK economy grew 0.4% in the last quarter, mainly due to the hard work of people who hang around outside supermarkets with trestle tables promoting the paint-based shooting game.

Paintball company boss Wayne Hayes said: “We are proud to be the backbone of British industry. Now that there are no factories and nobody in an office does any actual work, we’re basically keeping things going.

“If you’re organising a stag or hen do or simply want a great day out, give me a shout, I’m usually in your local market town wearing camouflage trousers while handing out leaflets.

“We can tweak the guns if you like so that it hurts more when you shoot someone in the nuts. It’s illegal though so don’t tell anyone.”