U2 FRONTMAN Bono has paid tribute to David Bowie by promising to stop singing.
The idea came to Bono after listening to the succession of increasingly brilliant albums Bowie made in the 1970s.
Bono said: “Bowie’s passing brought home what a leather-bound cockmonger I am. I am not cool or likeable and if you take away the stupid glasses I look like a postman.
“For me to carry on now would be an insult. Our plodding bilge is the absolute antithesis of everything Bowie stood for.
“I told the band they can either get a new frontman or just retire to their vast houses and do bad watercolour paintings of fruit, which is what I’m going to do.”
Bono has donated his leather trousers to charity, and now wears the River Island chinos that he has craved for years.
He said: “These chinos are so much more breathable, with plenty of give around the waistline. I feel like I’ve come home.
“Thank you David.”