PRINCE George has confirmed he is relieved to be boarding at Eton because it is an escape from his loudly dysfunctional home life.
The 13-year-old is looking forward to not falling asleep to the sound of an argument, not waking to the sound of breaking crockery at 3am, and not having to tiptoe into the kitchen for breakfast while his father sleeps off a cognac binge on the sofa.
A close friend said: “A tutor asked if he’d miss his mother and father. George laughed incredulously, then muttered ‘I’m never going back.’
“For him it’s a relief not to have to clear up the empty cans in front of the telly every afternoon. To not have to explain to his sister that no, mum’s not leaving home, she was just joking. To not have to retrieve his father’s clothes from the garden again.
“He doesn’t like to talk about it. He cried when he confessed he’d spent his Christmas money on buying Louis a new bike after his father crushed his old one reversing the car out of the drive blind drunk.
“He said as soon as he’s 18 he’s leaving his family forever. I said what about being heir to the throne, Defender of the Faith, Duke of Cornwall and Lord of the Isles. He said ‘Oh yeah.’”
Prince William said: “George! GEORGE! What do you mean he’s at school? Well in that case Charlotte can go tell her bitch of a mother I’m not speaking to her and where did she hide the TV remote.”
