THE Duke of Sussex is going to try and waltz back into the Royal family by pretending the last six years did not happen.
Aware that his return to the UK will be shrouded in scandal, Harry has decided to sidestep any awkwardness by simply picking up where he left off before moving to America as if that were perfectly normal.
He told reporters: “Scrapping my royal titles? Getting snubbed by my dad? Dunno what you’re talking about mate. I’ve been knocking around Buckingham Palace all this time.
“You might’ve missed me because I’ve been so busy working on the Invictus Games. Sporting events for military personnel don’t organise themselves, you know. Now they’re over you’ll be seeing more of me.
“You thought I bitched to Oprah about my family and that Meghan, the nation’s sweetheart, was flogging jam? That’s some imagination you’ve got there. You should be writing novels, not giving me weird looks.
“Anyway, duty calls. I’ve probably got to cut a ribbon somewhere, then it’s off to Will’s for a catch up. I’m sure he won’t mind me dropping in unannounced, we’re tight like that.”
Upon being presented with a copy of his memoir, he added: “Ah, now, you see that’s… f**k. Is it too late to pulp them?”
