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Men who spent entire 1970s joking about Dolly Parton's breasts also in mourning

THE men who spent an entire decade joking about, and thinking about, Dolly Parton’s spectacular bosom are also mourning her today.

While their grief is making few headlines, a whole generation for whom Parton was the go-to reference for larger-chested ladies are feeling the loss keenly and admitted they have lost an irreplaceable part of their world.

Tom Booker, aged 56, said: “From the first moment I understood some women have bigger boobs and that makes them desirable, Dolly was there.

“The 70s were a very breast-centric decade. The arse had barely been discovered then. But however busty a woman was, she was measured against the original when men said she was ‘like Dolly bloody Parton’, and found wanting.

“I grew up with Dolly as a vision of femininity women aspired to be and men referenced as the ultimate top-heavy icon. Did I know she was a genius songwriter? Not strictly, no. It didn’t come up in those circles.

“I mourn Dolly as a musician, a philanthropist, and as the woman who taught me to dream of a really large pair, vastly overspilling the hands. And that’s as valid as anyone else.”

He added: “Though I’ve never understood how her theme park Dollywood worked, in a practical sense. Was there some kind of cleavage rollercoaster?”

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Six subtle giveaways that you're getting on everyone's tits

IT’S hard to believe, but not everyone likes you as much as you do. These are a few tell-tale signs people actually find you f**king irritating: 

You get no eye contact

In the brief face-to face interchanges you have with colleagues, particularly females, they never seem to talk to you directly. Is this because you’re so ruggedly handsome that they fear gazing at you directly? No. It’s because your eyes are routinely transfixed at their chest and they’re all secretly bitching about your pervy ways.

You get fixed eye contact

Male colleagues, on the other hand, give you a fixed, unblinking glare. This isn’t the stoic glower of masculine approval you naively believe it to be. Instead, they’re pissed off because you either stole one of their clients, got the promotion that was rightfully theirs, or hit on their partner at the work do. Or, knowing you, all three.

They take non-existent phone calls

Constantly being on your phone around others is rude. That’s unless the person in question doesn’t like you, in which case it’s the perfect defence barrier. Notice how co-workers and acquaintances only seem to get calls when they see you approach, and how they always have to duck out and take it in private. It’s no coincidence. You’re that annoying.

You’re only in one WhatsApp group

Even tolerable people get roped into several WhatsApp groups like ‘Mark’s birthday gift ideas’ and ‘Soph’s leaving do’. Meanwhile you were only invited to one titled ‘Work’, and that was due to an administrative error. Although considering how annoying WhatsApp groups are, your terrible personality has done you a favour on this occasion.

You’re not invited to social events

Your mates invited you to their birthday parties and weddings a long time ago, but not anymore. And as for your work colleagues, they tend to keep their after work drinks to themselves. You get copied into the Christmas party email, but only because the company is legally obligated to. This behaviour is due to a little thing called your personality.

You’ve been punched in the face

People who are a pleasure to be around are sometimes punched, but only lightly and on the arm. A swift blow to the face is a coded message that your banter is grating and that everyone is tired of your constant one-upmanship. Your failure to pick up on this is also an indicator that you’re thick as shit. A quality that often goes hand-in-hand with being annoying as f**k.

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