NEW measures could see over-70s with poor vision getting banned from driving. What else should they be stripped of?

Stephen Malley, teacher: “Running powerful countries and overseeing the global economy. It’s time for keen-eyed younger generations to f**k them up in their own catastrophic way.”

Wayne Hayes, electrician: “Seducing me. They know they’re irresistibly sexy and they’re taking advantage of it.”

Carolyn Ryan, hospital consultant: “Keyhole surgery. I had a go once and it was really tricky, so I can’t imagine how someone with bad eyesight would cope. Plus they’d probably make a painful joke about Loyd Grossman to ease the tension.”

Helen Archer, veterinary assistant: “Representing us in the Olympics. The hurdle of sporting prowess isn’t enough of a barrier to entry. Nobody wants to see their bodies squeezed into lycra.”

Nathan Muir, beekeeper: “Voting. Not because of their reactionary views, I’m just massively ageist and ableist.”