STRUGGLING to diplomatically describe the latest arsehole your friend is dating? Bend the truth linguistically with these adjectives.
Interesting
A time-honoured way of describing boring things like a collection of old stamps or an acquaintance’s dull job, ‘interesting’ can also be applied to that dickhead who has somehow snared your pal. His views on vaccines? His peculiar way of speaking about women? His haircut? All of these elements of his personality are all extremely… interesting.
Confident
Talking over everyone else and refusing to back down when his terrible views are refuted is actually a sign of confidence – if you’re trying to be kind for the sake of your friendship. Good for him for pushing past the feelings of embarrassment that plague every sane person, in fact you’re jealous that you don’t have a disgusting lack of self-awareness too.
Creative
This word can excuse even the shittest of boyfriends. Perhaps it’s a sign of artistic genius that he uses cardboard boxes instead of a bed frame, and maybe the mess he refuses to clean up in the kitchen is an installation that will only truly be appreciated after he’s dead. To an unbiased third-party observer, his meandering gaslighting messages could even be considered a prizeworthy work of modern fiction.
Unusual
Best deployed after a long and thoughtful pause, unusual is the perfect way to describe someone whose exact level of unpleasantness you haven’t quite identified yet. To your friend, unusual means quirky and fun, but to you it means someone who operates so far beyond the parameters of social etiquette you suspect they may be an alien in disguise. Although an extraterrestrial would likely be more intelligent.
An acquired taste
A term usually used to describe disgusting foods you reluctantly develop a tolerance for, like black olives and anchovies. Given that you only plan to hang out with your friend’s awful man twice a year maximum, there’s little chance you’ll ever warm to his unlikeable face and personality, but it’s a lie anyway. This risks your friend saying ‘You should hang out more!’ but this isn’t an option unless she wants to be sadly bereaved so early in their relationship.
