BRITAIN’S tosspots are still chattering away about their total disinterest in David Beckham’s new range of child.
Artisan coffee shops and microbrewery pubs stayed open all last night as the various reasons why it totally wasn’t news were examined in minute detail. The creative sector is expecting a 40% absentee rate today as What This Says About Society continues to be endlessly debated.
Gallery manager and cretin Nikki Hollis said “I can’t believe the papers are going on about this when there’s a war going on…is that right?…and people are like, completely dying in…I want to say Cavonia? Hang on, that’s a cough mixture, isn’t it?”
“When my sister-in-law had a baby last month nobody made a big fuss about it, including myself, but that’s because she’s just a common little bitch who’s ruined my brother’s life. Sorry, what was the question again?”
As sanctimonious shits across the country continued to vent bile about a newborn child they’ve never met on the basis it has famous parents and a slightly silly name, Rupert Murdoch has asked the Beckhams if they can have a new child every two weeks until the BSkyB takeover is approved.
The media Obergruppenfuhrer said “If they can do that and I can get Radiohead to release another awful album, which should be no stretch whatsoever, most of Britain’s pricks will completely forget who I am.”
Meanwhile, the Facebook group “Sign up here to express your lack of interest in Harper Beckham” has grown to 120,000 members who are currently debating when to organise a demonstration in Trafalgar Square.
Nikki Hollis said “I really couldn’t care less whether the Beckhams have had another child and I’m prepared to take the day off work and get a coach down to London to prove it.”