YOUR teenage years are notoriously awkward, so what advice would you give to Prince George, who turned 13 this week?
Oliver O’Connor, delivery driver: “Try not to worry about not having a girlfriend. Oh, I forgot even the most twattish Royals have gorgeous women falling at their feet. F**k you, you jammy little bastard.”
Carolyn Ryan, teacher: “Pictures of yourself as a teenager can be really embarrassing years later. Don’t let your great uncle Andy take you to any parties.”
Emma Bradford, beautician: “Don’t spend all your time obsessing about your appearance like I did. You might look like Damien out of The Omen now, but as you get older you might start looking like a horse.”
Roy Hobbs, logistics manager: “Remember masturbation is perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of. I’m 56 and I’m doing it right now in a busy office in front of Microsoft Excel.”
Wayne Hayes, IT support worker: “I’d think twice before getting into dodgy fashions. But since Kate has a vice-like grip on your image you’ll probably just look like a nondescript toff indefinitely. Which is frankly better than my MC Hammer phase.”
