William goes into 'tyrant mode'

PRINCE William has lapsed into behaving like a 16th century tyrant during his tour of Australia.

The prince and the Duchess of Cambridge were visiting a community centre in Sydney when he demanded his aides burn it down, sparing only the most comely maid who should be de-loused and brought to his chamber.

Office worker Carolyn Ryan said: “Everything was fine until Wills noticed an attractive young support worker and said ‘Wench, I shall exercise droit de seigneur on thee!’ then started removing his trousers.

“Kate rolled her eyes and said ‘Christ, not this again.’ William  went ballistic and started demanding that an executioner was brought to cut off Kate’s head.

“No one knew where to look.”

Later that day, the royal couple visited a school when William told the pupils to show their loyalty in gold, then tried to have their eyes put out for staring at him.

Onlookers said the prince only calmed down when his entourage produced a lavish banquet including a whole suckling pig, which he ate while laughing ostentatiously at a jester and taking large gulps from a goblet.

Psychologist Donna Sheridan said: “There’s probably some perfectly harmless explanation for Will’s behaviour, such as temporary bouts of insanity caused by centuries of inbreeding.

“Alternatively he may actually think like Henry VIII but is very good at hiding it, in which case I wouldn’t like to be around when he becomes king.”

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Sharks interesting

SHARKS are really interesting, it has been confirmed.

Marine biologist Tom Logan said: “As a shark expert it’s never hard to get out of bed. There’s always something exciting to do, even if it’s just reading books and magazines about sharks.

“Even when I get home if there’s a shark documentary on telly I’ll watch it, that’s how interesting they are.”

Mother-of-two Emma Bradford said: “It’s true, I often find myself thinking about sharks, wondering that they might be up to.”

Logan also confirmed that large sharks are more interesting than small sharks.