PRINCE William has lapsed into behaving like a 16th century tyrant during his tour of Australia.
The prince and the Duchess of Cambridge were visiting a community centre in Sydney when he demanded his aides burn it down, sparing only the most comely maid who should be de-loused and brought to his chamber.
Office worker Carolyn Ryan said: Everything was fine until Wills noticed an attractive young support worker and said Wench, I shall exercise droit de seigneur on thee! then started removing his trousers.
Kate rolled her eyes and said Christ, not this again. William went ballistic and started demanding that an executioner was brought to cut off Kates head.
“No one knew where to look.”
Later that day, the royal couple visited a school when William told the pupils to show their loyalty in gold, then tried to have their eyes put out for staring at him.
Onlookers said the prince only calmed down when his entourage produced a lavish banquet including a whole suckling pig, which he ate while laughing ostentatiously at a jester and taking large gulps from a goblet.
Psychologist Donna Sheridan said: Theres probably some perfectly harmless explanation for Wills behaviour, such as temporary bouts of insanity caused by centuries of inbreeding.
Alternatively he may actually think like Henry VIII but is very good at hiding it, in which case I wouldnt like to be around when he becomes king.