THE El Niño phenomenon is returning to the world, and you’ve already been told what it is multiple times. But you still don’t have a f**king clue, so read this:
What is El Niño?
The reversal of trade winds over the Pacific Ocean causing a rise in ocean temperatures, and consequent effects on weather across the world.
What is the little thing above the second ‘n’ in El Niño?
It is called an ene, is part of the Spanish alphabet and has come to represent the identity of the Spanish language.
What’s El Niño again? I’ve forgotten.
F**k’s sake. The Pacific heats up, certain weather effects reverse, basically it means next year will be even hotter than this one.
What, here in Market Drayton? Because the lawn still hasn’t recovered.
Not necessarily in your specific location, because weather is complex. There’s likely to be hot, dry weather in South America, Australia and India.
Right. I don’t live in those places so I’m not bothered.
But other people do, and the food supply globally could be affected.
I mainly eat crisps. How will it affect Britain?
The summer might be warmer, though it might not. The impact is stronger in late winter which could be colder than usual.
Right. So there’s all this f**king fuss over the fact I might have to wear two jumpers in February 2028? No wonder I couldn’t hold on to it. It’s meaningless to me.
But consequential for the world, which could suffer extreme weather from an El Niño stronger than any since 1950.
Why, what happened in 1950?
Nothing much.
What happened to Nino Firetto from 80s ITV kids’ shows Splash! and Get Fresh?
After presenting Mr and Mrs and being a panel regular on Give Us A Clue, Nino returned to radio as the breakfast host on Radio Exe in Devon.
Finally, some information that’s actually relevant to my life. I’ll tell the lads in the office.
