MOTORISTS will be told to make their cars thinner as the government tries to squeeze as many lanes as possible into Britain's motorway network.
The department of transport said the average family car can lose around 12 inches in width if you go at it with a hacksaw.
A spokesman added: "Wing mirror-ectomies will help, but we still think the best solution is a new generation of cars that have telescopic legs with wheels on the end allowing you to simply lift yourself above the traffic jams.
"Meanwhile we're also investing £2bn in state of the art car squeezing machines which will allow us to create an extra four lanes each way on the M25 and reduce journey times by about eight seconds."
Experts say that minimising the space between cars will not only improve traffic flow but also make it much easier for people in different vehicles to punch each other in the face.
An AA spokesman said: "In most cases you will have to ask your passenger to do the punching, unless you're up against a foreign car with the steering wheel on the left thereby enabling you to rain down blow after blow on some unsuspecting Frenchman without even having to stretch.
"Otherwise, you will have to use a pool cue or a sword if you want to inflict significant injury."
Driver Tom Logan, from Nantwich, added: "I suppose I could always get one of those three-wheeled covered motorbike things you see on Top Gear that are supposed to be the solution to all our transport problems but then never get made because they look so fucking stupid."