A WOMAN’S colleagues have discovered that her entire character is limited to the fact that she will turn down crisps for a handful of seeds.
Co-workers of Lucy Parry were initially amazed that she actually chose a handful of sunflower seeds over biscuits, and she quickly because an office celebrity before the mass realisation that there is literally nothing else to her.
Manager Eleanor Shaw said: “It was like a circus performance at first. People would drop by from other departments at 11am just to witness her pecking away at sunflower seeds and calling them a ‘treat’.
“But every conversation with her is about seeds. Every single one. Even when you think she’s stopped trying to convert others it’s only because her mouth’s full. Of seeds.
“We’ve discussed every possible thing about them by now. How they’re full of healthy fats, important vitamins, minerals and antioxidants. We’ve even had a detailed breakdown of how their high fibre content has improved her bowel movements.
“It’s making the rest of us look bad. My strawberry yogurt, which I only had because the bitch tuts at a mid-morning Aero, was met with ‘I couldn’t handle something that sugary’. Well I couldn’t handle snacking like a f**king sparrow, but here we are.”
Colleague Martin Bishop said: “I tried chatting to her, because she’s hot, and discovered a second dimension to her personality. Unfortunately it’s open-water swimming.”