THE ambulance strike has forced a man to make the difficult decision to wait a day before getting so pissed he needs his stomach pumped.
Tom Logan was looking forward to mixing beer, wine and spirits during a mid-afternoon pub crawl, but has reluctantly shelved his epic boozing session because it is currently unsafe to get monstrously shitfaced.
He said: “I know, I know, strikes are supposed to be inconvenient. But I’m on holiday now and I was really looking forward to drinking until I passed out. I guess I’ll have to wait until tomorrow.
“I had it all planned out, too. A quick warm up at the Red Lion with half a dozen pints, before moving on to the Royal Oak for a couple of bottles of house white. Then on to the nearest and cheapest gin bar for a few rounds of cocktails, and finally A&E to get it all drained out of me with a tube. It would have been beautiful.
“The NHS needs our support more than ever though, so I’m going to do the right thing and abstain from getting completely twatted for a few hours. Does my valiant good deed make me the new Captain Tom? Yes.”
Nurse Nikki Hollis said: “A taxi driver dumped Mr Logan in front of reception two minutes ago. He said he just couldn’t wait.”