Man suddenly realises he's been sucking his stomach in for eight years


A MAN has suddenly realised he has been overweight for at least eight years.

Tom Booker initially held in his gut for a security pass photo on the first day of a new job, then continued sucking it in as he was introduced to an attractive female colleague. His belly has remained pulled towards his organs ever since.

Booker’s deception has continued through two prime ministers, two European championships and a World Cup.

He said: “I’m not massively fat, but if I release it now it’s going to raise a lot of questions. Particularly from my wife, who I met in 2014 and married last year.

“It can be unhelpful in situations where I would be obliged to suck it in further, like squeezing past someone on the train, but most of the time it’s OK. I guess I just created a very convenient and convincing delusion.

“I think I’ll keep doing it though. Health clubs are expensive and exercise is both stupid and difficult.”

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Trump jumped his skateboard over a car ‘but only his cousin saw it’

DONALD Trump jumped his skateboard over a car but only his cousin saw it ‘and you don’t know him’ it has been confirmed.

The President of the United States said he achieved the feat last summer on the road outside the White House.

His wife Melania was also there, but she was not watching.

The cousin could not be immediately contacted. White House staff have variously said that he lives in Canada, is a pirate, is working undercover in France, and died in a helicopter crash.

Trump also claimed that his dad once beat up Bruce Lee, that his uncle works at Nintendo and gave him a copy of Mario 7 that is not even out yet, and that he invented a golf shot where you can get a hole-in-none.